On Being a Good Neighbor
From: Michael [mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org]
Sent: Thursday, December 21, 2006 9:51 AM
To: ‘Doug Wilson’
Cc: ‘Peter Leithart’
Subject: Another Used Condom?
Dear Mr. Wilson,
As I already made plain to the local community here in Moscow, I will be watching your mailbox carefully. After you filed a complaint about me with the police department, replete with all sorts of nefarious implications, I made it my duty to not allow another high school guy further damage my own reputation and the work we have done in the Wood by dispelling the evidence of his lack of virginity into your postal property. I therefore want to let you know immediately what I saw yesterday while coming back from the University of Idaho after taking my GRE test. I believe it was approximately 4:30, which can be confirmed by the sign-out sheet at the testing center, that I sighted an older, faded light blue (I’m fairly certain) Toyota pickup truck pulled over by your mailbox—half onto the shoulder and half onto the road—facing the direction of oncoming traffic. When I drove by, the truck quickly pulled up behind me and turned into my street. As I parked I watched the truck turn around and head back to the direction of your house.
I am inclined to go file a police report about this occurrence myself in the hopes of deterring your abilities as listing me as one of the suspects of any possible crime that occurred yesterday within your mailbox receptacle. But I’m not sure what I will do yet. In any case, please be advised of my suspicious sighting.
Michael P. Metzler
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